Saturday, 28 April 2012

Ever ask "WHY?"

Today as I got ready to hop onto the bike on the turbo trainer I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and it evoked a myriad of emotions and mental turmoil inside of me.

I look the same!

I have been very attentive to eating healthy and not going overboard with food, 
I have been WAY more active (consistently) than I have been in a long time,
The scales are pretty static,
My shape according to the mirror and my eyes ... also pretty static.

So how does this make me feel?

Deflated and defeated to be honest.  It probed the question, "WHY" ... "why do I bother?"  Why do I keep trying? 
Is it to weigh less? 
Is it to be *ripped*? 
Is it to make myself feel better about myself? 
Is it to be fitter? 
Is it to be healthier?

Well all of those if I'm honest.  Thing is it's hard, it's not easy to motivate yourself day in and day out to NOT eat the biscuits, to exercise and to be happy about it all the time. Add into the mix trying to look after the kids and work and "throw in the towel" becomes more than just a fleeting thought. Here's a secret .... I'm NOT happy about it all the time, sometimes I HATE it, sometimes I crumble and give in.  

Here's what I've learnt ...

I try not to be to hard on myself each time I weaken and I fall off, crumble or give in
I'd rather spend the rest of my life keeping at it
Each time hopefully I gain a little more control 

I control me, my body, what it does and what I feed it.

And guess what, one day when I get there, I don't get to stop - I get to keep eating healthy and exercising to maintain that control :-)

What have you learnt on your journey that might help me others in their journey?

Laraxx